Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
