we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
is this the sara with the beer cane?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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