weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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