I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
