so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
