rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
