the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
