He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
