i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
