we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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