Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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