It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you had me at cake vodka
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
