What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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