Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
