this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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