i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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