dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
