I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
