And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
MIDGETS
????
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
