u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
