He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
