I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
