I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
