I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
