she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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