Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
