It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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