Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
