I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
