i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
