Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
