all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
