2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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