I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
