I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
