I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
