11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
