His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
