Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All the doctor said was why
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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