Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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