so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
