Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
