Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
