It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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