she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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