I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
