I haven't been this sober since birth.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
