Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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