They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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