All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
