I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
