My Higher Power is John Stamos
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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