You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
