You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
time to smoke my breakfast
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
