I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
is it fun? or sober?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
