I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
